Comments on: I have found a way to happiness, but it is impractical…?

By: saving starfish

saving starfish — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 12:46:41 +0000

If you re read your Q, I think you will see the struggle going on within you between the emotional, the practical, and reality.. Both of you are going to have to be so open with what is best for you as a couple vs each persons "wants"., and soon. It doesn’t sound like either of you have reached this level at all.

You do paint a perfect argument for staying single, and content because you do acknowledge the limitations of MS, and chronic depression which may be the crack in the levee that ultimately fails under more pressure.
Love should never be blind when making such decisions, because it is eyes wide open within a short time when you are together. In all honesty, each of your expectations, may well be un realistic.
If what you said about his not understanding your world and what keeps your stress down is accurate, you are already headed for strike 3.
To be fair to each other, I would hope you two will grasp the hard facts, that finances are quickly going to be a contention. Likewise, the physical needs of each are going to be a new pressure that may strain the both of you right out of this apartment within 6 months.

If you haven’t moved in yet., I would seriously consider your strengths and weaknesses before it becomes unmanageable.
If you still feel amazing love for this guy, and are willing to make the compromises in your world, and he sees the compromises he needs to make, then stick to it, and refine what you can do to make it work.

The best to you

By: joshua m

joshua m — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 12:46:41 +0000

i know where you come from i was so depress i tried ti kill my self 3 times. but one thing always stopped me. that one thing was me 4 years down the road i still have crappy days but im happy just to be alive. my suggestion to you is if you love him make the sacrifice find away to use him for happiness you have a good thing here believe me. sometimes change is good and i would give any thing to have your shoes since im single now.

i hope this helps if not e-mail me

idoitmurray@yahoo.com

By: Brittany b

Brittany b — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 12:46:41 +0000

Dont give up your happiness for a man. Giving to others before giving to yourself will create resentment toword teh one you love. Soon your male companion will no longer be able to enjoy you, because you have forfeited your own life. Your boyfriend loves you and he loves you enough to give you whatever your needs are. I think you should communicate your worries, and those needs, this will make him feel more secure than being in a relationship that is draining and unhappy. Remember that he (and men in general) get thier happiness from supporting your own happiness. I personally feel that giving into this will create a lose-lose situation, and nobody not even your boyfriend will be happy. So why be miserable? Maybe you could ask for more help from your boyfriend, belive it or not but men get their own happiness when they are able to aid you in your own happiness. Know that there is no impractical sources of happiness, only dysfunctional ones. Do what will make YOU happy and it will inturn make your an happy! Best of luck!

By: RWPossum

RWPossum — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 12:46:41 +0000

It seems that your reservations stem from a general anxiety you have that doesn’t like change. There’s a type of person who gets upset at the thought of his front door being painted white if it happens to be red.

Speaking of lifestyle, Stephen Ilardi of the University of Kansas has written a book about the depression program he developed, which consists of six lifestyle changes. In The Depression Cure, he says that it works with antidepressants or psychotherapy, but can also serve by itself as a depression treatment.

http://www.psych.ku.edu/tlc/Therapeutic%20Lifestyle%20Change%20article.pdf

By: ♪♫Only♪ By ♥♪Grace♫♥

♪♫Only♪ By ♥♪Grace♫♥ — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 12:46:41 +0000

With the greatest of respect if your happiness is dependent on the cleanliness and coziness of your home,you have a problem and I’m really sorry to say this. You have the chance of being with someone who cares about you and you are worried you may not be happy because he is not as clean and tidy as you?

My advice to you would be to stay on your own really it would be! You are being selfish. ‘Please tell me how to not resent him for taking my happiness away’ is what you say. Hellllloooo? He loves you and wants to live with you and you see that as ‘taking your happiness away’? I dont get it, I’m sorry.

Someone once to me ‘A clean house is a sign of a wasted life’. I dont want to underestimate your illnesses but my cousin has MS and she is taking hold of life with both hands and refusing to let it rob her of her enjoyment of life! She has realised that the journey of life in itself is happiness! x