I have found a way to happiness, but it is impractical…?
I’ve had chronic depression and fatigue associated with multiple sclerosis. I’ve found a way to cope: Making my home the epitome of comfortable. see, when my mood is down, and I’m feeling too low & too tired to clean my house, it just builds on itself. That cycle results in even worse levels of depression. But when my home is clean and perfectly decorated- it feels soooo cozy. I dont care as much if that not feeling well, I just curl up in my cozy room with a cup of tea and relax, happily. It makes all the difference to have everything in my home perfect. I really don’t ever get that depressed then.
Yes, I also have always taken antidepressants, but of the lifestyle changes I’ve made- this is the one that seems to be a dealbreaker when it comes to whether the depression is more than I can handle or not.
But I’m ready to marry my boyfriend of 9 years soon. I love him very much, & I have decided to go ahead with moving in with him, and already signed a lease with him.
Its going to be me, him, and his 2 cats cramped into a tiny place. I mentioned I have multiple sclerosis- I don’t feel like cleaning up after all of them. He is sweet and I think he will try to be clean, but lets just say it doesn’t come naturally to him, so who knows. Plus, it’ll be all of us packed in there, in a small place. My furniture I used before was shared with former roommates, & we don’t have any now. (we are pretty broke right now). I don’t know how to cope now. my method I had of maintaining happiness is going to be hard to use now.
I seriously would just stay single forever, so I could always be free to not be depressed, no matter how lousy I felt physically. If my home is a happy looking place- I’m happy. But this guy is worth it to me, worth giving up my happiness. Plus he needs me, he has health problems of his own (glaucoma) and all his $ goes into it. He can’t afford his rent and taking care of his health both. so, we need to co-habitate in a 1 bedroom small apartment to help him. But he doesnt understand why it is so hard for me to give up my way of living. He thinks I am selfish. please tell me how to not resent him for taking my happiness away.
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Filed under Multiple Sclerosis General on Nov 23rd, 2009. Comment. 
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Comments on I have found a way to happiness, but it is impractical…?
If you re read your Q, I think you will see the struggle going on within you between the emotional, the practical, and reality.. Both of you are going to have to be so open with what is best for you as a couple vs each persons "wants"., and soon. It doesn’t sound like either of you have reached this level at all.
You do paint a perfect argument for staying single, and content because you do acknowledge the limitations of MS, and chronic depression which may be the crack in the levee that ultimately fails under more pressure.
Love should never be blind when making such decisions, because it is eyes wide open within a short time when you are together. In all honesty, each of your expectations, may well be un realistic.
If what you said about his not understanding your world and what keeps your stress down is accurate, you are already headed for strike 3.
To be fair to each other, I would hope you two will grasp the hard facts, that finances are quickly going to be a contention. Likewise, the physical needs of each are going to be a new pressure that may strain the both of you right out of this apartment within 6 months.
If you haven’t moved in yet., I would seriously consider your strengths and weaknesses before it becomes unmanageable.
If you still feel amazing love for this guy, and are willing to make the compromises in your world, and he sees the compromises he needs to make, then stick to it, and refine what you can do to make it work.
The best to you
i know where you come from i was so depress i tried ti kill my self 3 times. but one thing always stopped me. that one thing was me 4 years down the road i still have crappy days but im happy just to be alive. my suggestion to you is if you love him make the sacrifice find away to use him for happiness you have a good thing here believe me. sometimes change is good and i would give any thing to have your shoes since im single now.
i hope this helps if not e-mail me
idoitmurray@yahoo.com
Dont give up your happiness for a man. Giving to others before giving to yourself will create resentment toword teh one you love. Soon your male companion will no longer be able to enjoy you, because you have forfeited your own life. Your boyfriend loves you and he loves you enough to give you whatever your needs are. I think you should communicate your worries, and those needs, this will make him feel more secure than being in a relationship that is draining and unhappy. Remember that he (and men in general) get thier happiness from supporting your own happiness. I personally feel that giving into this will create a lose-lose situation, and nobody not even your boyfriend will be happy. So why be miserable? Maybe you could ask for more help from your boyfriend, belive it or not but men get their own happiness when they are able to aid you in your own happiness. Know that there is no impractical sources of happiness, only dysfunctional ones. Do what will make YOU happy and it will inturn make your an happy! Best of luck!
It seems that your reservations stem from a general anxiety you have that doesn’t like change. There’s a type of person who gets upset at the thought of his front door being painted white if it happens to be red.
Speaking of lifestyle, Stephen Ilardi of the University of Kansas has written a book about the depression program he developed, which consists of six lifestyle changes. In The Depression Cure, he says that it works with antidepressants or psychotherapy, but can also serve by itself as a depression treatment.
http://www.psych.ku.edu/tlc/Therapeutic%20Lifestyle%20Change%20article.pdf
With the greatest of respect if your happiness is dependent on the cleanliness and coziness of your home,you have a problem and I’m really sorry to say this. You have the chance of being with someone who cares about you and you are worried you may not be happy because he is not as clean and tidy as you?
My advice to you would be to stay on your own really it would be! You are being selfish. ‘Please tell me how to not resent him for taking my happiness away’ is what you say. Hellllloooo? He loves you and wants to live with you and you see that as ‘taking your happiness away’? I dont get it, I’m sorry.
Someone once to me ‘A clean house is a sign of a wasted life’. I dont want to underestimate your illnesses but my cousin has MS and she is taking hold of life with both hands and refusing to let it rob her of her enjoyment of life! She has realised that the journey of life in itself is happiness! x